I do not state these as facts but as mere results of research conducted. Today, we shall delve deeper and look at the flip side of the coin. The things men consider before making their move.
1. Composure. No matter what you may think or have heard, guys do not want any gangster chic, they don’t want a woman who will break a bottle on another’s head because they know that may be their head someday. A composed lady has better promise.
2. Beauty. We really aren’t so crazy about how you look. All we are saying is if you lack boobs and hips, try to make sure it’s only one and make up for it somehow. A beautiful brain is an example of a great asset.
3. Culinary skills. Guys marry women that can cook and date those that can’t. Try and perfect your Egusi and Afang soup making skills. This is a valid plus in your resume.
4. Don’t believe what you watch on Africa Magic, we don’t want a domineering woman. If you cannot be submissive, we cannot wear trouser with you and fight for who is the man of the house.
5. Talking about Africa Magic, if you are one of those women that sit around all the time and have watched 90 per cent of all their movies, then the probability of a good man finding you is low.
6. We fear women that watch Africa Magic because we assume you that is your citadel of learning. Who wants a woman who has over 3 babalawos’ phone numbers?
7. Manners. That head tapping thing you do when your weave is overdue? Stop it. Hasn’t anyone told you it makes you look like a drug addict craving her next fix? Or are you trying to accelerate the flow of blood in your brain? Stop it.
8. Education. We don’t like when women have all these strange degrees such as Journalism and Medical Genetics. Please stick to Law, Accounting and mostly Home Economics. Thanks.
9. While still on education, please do not go beyond a first degree. Why go for a Masters when we already intend to make you the Mrs? Too many university degrees makes us feel like lesser beings.
10. Sex. We will really appreciate it if you have a non-existent sexual life/thoughts before we meet. Let us be the ones to teach you from our experience.
11. Independence. We don’t like our women listening to Beyonce. Remember her tracks like ‘Single Ladies’, ‘Independent Women’, and ‘Girls Run The World’? What kind of brain washing is that? So if you must listen to music, don’t do any of these new songs, do Cyndi Lauper, Dolly Parton, etc.
12. Carriage. Guys want women who carry themselves well. This means we don’t want you looking like the Michelin man or all these Christian mothers.
13. Still talking of carriage, when we go out please respect yourself. Even if there’s no food at home, don’t wipe the plate clean. When we go to parties, please all this grinding and ‘lepa on the floor’ dance steps should be reserved for when we get back home.
14. Guys do not like hairnets, wrappers and late night egg masks on the face. Thanks in advance.
We must remember that a lot of truth is said in jest. I wish you all the best as you make your choices.
Kelvin Igbodo
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